Anyway, this part made me wince: “But what was even harder for me is that somehow I managed to do well in school, and even more importantly (to some), on tests, and thus was put in gifted classes. So here is where it really starts to suck…” I hated, hated, hated that my ability to get good grades and ace tests– which came naturally and meant nothing to me– not only was praised constantly (might as well praise me for being tall or something… oh wait, they did that when I hit 6 foot in 8th grade) but then thrust into situations with people I did not understand and who made me miserable.

I do wish, though, that our counselor hadn’t been involved in a sexual scandal at the one time that those high scores meant something and I would have understood the mechanics of applying to and paying for college. My route there was less than optimal.

There are definitely some positive lessons that can come from hardship. My sister– who suffers intensely from the aspirational myopia that I talked about and somehow I got away from (thanks in part, ironically, to the most mundane ability to get good grades in feeble schooling and to my narcissism in being willing to cut myself loose from almost everyone I knew, most particularly almost all of my well-intending but doomed family) has developed survival skills far beyond any I have. The tragedy, and what I mean when I say she is myopic, is that she can’t believe the possibility that those skills and talents could be used for more than sustaining the life she has. Guess she’s an uncured poverty-holic.

P.S. *I* don’t think a dollar is just a dollar. But maybe it’s not important as long as I pretend I do?

I did grow up poor also, classic story: my ‘being poor was’…a single mom with 2 children, dad not around. Latchkey. Lots of time at the grandparents. Babysitting my little sister when I was too young to be babysitting. Free lunch, food stamps. Poor public city schools. Sinking down in the back seat of the car with no muffler so my friends wouldnt see me. Lying to my coach that I had a ride and walking home from sports practice because my Mom had to work over. Crappy hand me down banana seat bicycle, working non-stop since I was 15..the nine yards…

But what was even harder for me is that somehow I managed to do well in school, and even more importantly (to some), on tests, and thus was put in gifted classes. So here is where it really starts to suck… None of the other gifted students are poor, They are well off. It is immediately apparent they aren’t like me at all. And none of the poor kids I hang out with in my neighborhood are gifted, or even getting above average grades, and in fact are somewhat deviant. So I adapt some interesting social techniques as a result. I become a sort of social gypsy. Not really pretending, just adapting to my surroundings on a constant real time daily cycle. The real motivation being almost literally…survival. My main superpower…being resourceful.

I could have sat around and felt sorry for myself, (poor, poor me) but I didn’t have the time. I had things to do and an escape plan to make. I got to go to college with scholarships from my grades and my art class portfolio, and, what?…grants because we were poor…Thanks Mom! (not being sarcastic, really). I wrote my own essays, I filled out my own paperwork. I was out of there, but it wasn’t quite the escape I had imagined.

So I get to college, live in the dorms, and I still had to work full-time, and it was a struggle, sure. But I realize soon, that none of my friends who live in the dorms with me there know how to do anything for themselves. I am amazed! Your parents do your taxes? Fill out your FAFSA? Schedule your oil changes? bought your car? send you how much per month? wow. I don’t know how many students I saw that didn’t work and were pushed to go to college by their parents that I saw drop out. i even knew a few people who’s parents thought they were in school still and they weren’t, and they were still getting money from them!

It was then I had a self-realization…I know how to be independent, on my own. I can do things for myself, and maybe my success thus far was in fact out of how hard I had to work. Well, I felt pretty proud of that. I felt it invaluable.

The question then becomes quite circular… has my success thus far been because I have had to be so resourceful and hard-working? If I would’ve had time to study more and work less through developing years, and had more nurturing parental guidance and financial support, would I have excelled farther, had more time to be ‘gifted’? Or would that have stagnated my resourcefulness, independence, work ethic and time management skills?

So I especially pondered on the listing…
“Being poor is knowing how hard it is to stop being poor.”

In my case, I have a theory that I will never stop being poor. It is a lifestyle, and I don’t mean physically.Its like an alcoholic who hasn’t drank for 12 years but still calls themselves an alcoholic, because they know they have those characteristics. Yes I make money now and take care of myself and have good job. But I don’t think I could ever stop constantly finding ways to make things easier on myself and using those survival techniques that were instilled in me from the get go. Doing things because I have to. And in some ways that makes me OCD about money, paying bills, and control over my own affairs. But I am ok with that. I also have a long list of rules I set for myself to obide by…. Those “My kids will never have to…” rules. I think we all have those.

So when I think about students in our society growing up poor and underprivileged, I think they continue living with that struggle if they have been fortunate enough to pursue higher education. But these also might be the students that given the chance could really excel. These are the students that truly want to to be there. Are probably grateful to be there.

Should educators consider that when developing course content, course load, and busywork? weighing out quality and quantity? absolutely. Are they? That’s a good question. Its seems, especially in Alaska, with a good number of “non-traditional” students, that would and should be a something to consider, even if the educator or administration has no insight into what being underprivileged is like.

And,(to be more obectivive), at the same time, isn’t a a dollar still a dollar? Is it worth more coming from someone who has worked harder? whether it is coming from a full-time student slash full time waitress paying her own way through through school with no help, or if it is coming from the pockets of the parents of a fratboy with no job, or it is coming from the federal government. Someone flipped the bill somewhere. The effort to make a quality course with a realistic work load and valuable outcomes that’s worth that dollar should be the consideration, it seems.

And sometimes it’s true. Just as sometimes obese people do eat more than the person thinking (if not saying) it. But sometimes it isn’t. And it isn’t easy to untangle which is which.

An impoverished intellect or lack of ambition or, perhaps most accurately, a non-understanding of ambition and lack of belief that you are part of that group that is good enough and intended to have and do things, is definitely a part of the problem as it is happening… but even more it’s a part of the legacy. I’d match my mom– and my step-father’s– work ethic with anyone’s. And their charity when there was anything to give.

But the bottom line is, my parents having children as children, coming from abusive, heavy drug and alcohol using homes, struggling with their own addictions, with no models of good parents and with at least one of them suffering from untreated mental illness… there was not much chance of pulling themselves up by their bootstraps and what dictated that wasn’t the amount of effort.

Different people, different times, different situations, I know. And I guess what prompted my thinking in the original post was, anyway, less about what could have been different then as it is understanding how to deal with the effects now and hoping to give people some insight into one possible result of poverty. The result of yours is another, but I’m sure not without its own troubling aspects.

As Jen remarked on my blog– maybe there is a kind of prejudice or bias against those who are *over*-privileged (maybe that term is suspect, even). Kind of the way people can talk about how hard it is to be considered beautiful in our culture. But the concept is like a color that I can’t see. I can theorize about it, but I can’t see it. Which leaves me feeling unable to deal with it myself as an educator (or anything else).

In one sense, maybe the real difference is that we are at points talking about different things. You are talking about not having much. I am talking about often not having anything at all.

Perhaps it was their age and life experience: they both lived through the great depression and dustbowl days in Oklahoma. Perhaps it was their faith, or the way they were raised, or some combination of all these. Maybe it WAS partly context: we lived in a place where they could grow a garden, and hunt and fish for meat. They were both very resourceful and determined. Regardless, I recognize that I am incredibly fortunate. My life would be much different if my parents had exhibited a different outlook on their situation. I value that, even if I don’t completely understand it.

What bothered me most as I read your post (and the link to “being poor”) was how poorly I respond to financial stress today, when the “hardships” I’m facing are nothing in comparison. That’s why I felt compelled to respond to your post…not so much for others to read…I simply felt a need to acknowledge my own past and be thankful.